Tabu is as interesting as she is dichotomous. She seems detached, aloof and extremely charming all at the same time. She hides a sea of emotions behind those telling eyes. At one moment she intimidates you and the very next she puts you at ease with a warm smile. You can’t second guess what’s going on in her beautiful mind. But give her thoughts some breathing space and the words flow seamlessly. Ask her questions on her personality and she bites your head off. “I can't psychoanalyse myself.” But later she gets back to that question and shares her point of view.
Even after the interview my phone doesn’t stop ringing. No, she doesn’t ask for any changes in the copy. She answers the many questions she had skipped during the interview, as promised. “Yeh zaroor likhna,” she adds after every statement. That an actress of her stature showers a rookie reporter with such attention and then painstakingly looks into the content of the article leaves a lasting impression. Her charm is simply indelible.
And yet, hers has not been a fairytale at the movies. As a child, she detested public attention but ironically she grew up to face the arc lights and win a million hearts. And now she’ll take centre stage once again with Vishal Bhardwaj and Shahid Kapoor in the filmmaker’s interpretation of Shakespeare’s Hamlet, titled Haider. Classic no-holds-barred Tabu style, she shares how her shy childhood, gratifying relationships and her tryst with cinema have helped her evolve into the person she is. Excerpts...
You’ve played varied roles. Is there anything you haven’t done yet?
(Laughs) I’d love to do an action film and be the one doing all the action.
You’ve done two films with Vishal Bhardwaj (Maqbool and now Haider) both based on Shakespeare’s works (Macbeth and Hamlet respectively). How much has the playwright’s work influenced you?
I haven’t read any of Shakespeare’s work. I’ve been exposed to Shakespeare only through Vishal’s scripts. I don’t know what the original plays were about and I don’t want to confuse myself by thinking what the characters might’ve been. Vishal doesn’t change the plot and the story but there might be changes in the idiosyncrasies of the characters. Simply, because when an actor plays a character, he brings his own personality to it.
What is the best thing about working with Vishal?
Vishal understands the man-woman relationship. His take is unconventional. I don’t know whether he gets it from Shakespeare or it’s in him. The man-woman dynamic doesn’t seem new to him. He allows the actor to lend a shade to the character. I sense creative freedom when I work with him.
You only do films with people you are comfortable with. Does that restrict you from working with other interesting people?
See, if I don’t like the script then I won’t work on it no matter who the person is. But if the script is good, then I’m good with working with the person too. And that dictates my decision. Of course, I can’t predict how a particular working relationship would turn out to be. But I’m clear about the kind of people I should be working with and the people I shouldn’t. It’s interesting to work with different people. But in the past, while I’ve liked a script, somehow I haven’t gotten along with the people. I don’t want that to happen again.
You’re known to take long breaks between each film...
I don’t want to do too many films at a time. We all want different things from life. It’s not fair to expect people from the same profession to follow the same behavioural route. Are people dumb to ask me the same question again and again? Isn’t there something more interesting to ask? I cannot psychoanalyse myself. You can’t ask me why I’m like this. Is the way I am, so drastically and earth shatteringly different? The media picks up one thing and sticks to it. They have tagged me as ‘a recluse’. But I’m not a recluse. I’m normal. I don’t want to appear on Page 3 every day. If I were a recluse I wouldn’t have faced the camera and done 200 films. That’s my personality. I’m sure there are others like me too.
What do you do in leisure?
I just chill. I love to travel but I don’t think it’s a great idea to travel alone in India. I’m always left looking for company. Friends are usually busy.
I read to know what’s going on in the world. But I don’t read much. I live a simple life, which isn’t intriguing or fancy. I while away most of my time.
Do you reminisce about your school days?
I think about them often. I remember being afraid of going to school. I didn’t like it at all. My Cs and Ds were upside down. I hated Math. I don’t know if I hated it because I was bad at it. My grandfather was a gold medallist in Mathematics and a professor in the Osmania University. He never understood why his granddaughter could not get the simple Algebra sum. I used to get feverish before every Math exam. My grandmother would calm me down. She understood that it was bad to put pressure on a young student as she herself was a teacher in a kindergarten.
Was there anything you wanted to badly do as a child but couldn’t?
I wanted to learn ballet. My grandmother used to make me watch Russian ballet on black and white television. Anna Pavlova was her favourite. She’d tell me of her dying Swan performance. Ballet was the only thing I ever wanted to do in life. But at that time in Hyderabad we didn’t have the opportunity to learn ballet. I miss not having learnt it.
Were you the tallest in class?
(Smiles) Yes. I was always made to sit in the last row and stand last in line. I felt awkward and conscious. At that time it wasn’t common for girls to be that tall. Now, we have a generation of tall girls. But in those days it was an aberration. My grandmother wondered how she’d find a man taller than me.
Did you enjoy a lot of attention from the boys?
Not at all, yaar. We were made to sit separately, especially while we were growing up. Our teachers were strict. That discipline is still in me. Hyderabad is a conservative city.
I used to wear a salwar to school and had a thick Hyderabad accent. When
I visited Mumbai during the summer vacations I used to be enamoured by the city. I’d think, “Wow these people are so modern.” Coming to Mumbai was like the big American dream.
Did you feel liberated in Mumbai?
It was a huge transformation. It forced me to become another person. I don’t think I would’ve chosen to become an actress. I had no interest in movies as I never watched them as a child. Given a choice I would’ve stayed back in Hyderabad. But my mom and sister (actress Farha) moved here and my grandmother shut down the school she was running. My sister got a break with Yash Chopra and she wanted me to be with her. I came to Mumbai after completing my 10th grade. I remember falling sick, I cried so much. I didn’t want to leave Hyderabad. And then I joined college (St Xaviers). I had a completely different vision of my life. I wanted to study further.
What did you plan to study?
I wanted to pursue medicine because my family wanted me to become a doctor. Not that I was fond of being one but it seemed a good option.
Didn’t you want to pursue singing?
No. I knew that I sang well. But I was too much of a conventional person. Study and get married, that was it. But before I knew it people were forcing me to get into films and like a child I was resisting them. But once I got into the movies, I got entangled. There was no looking back.
Despite the reluctance you still proved to be a success...
I had to succeed in what I was doing. I had to be financially independent and help my family. With God’s grace my career took off. I started looking at the bright side of things. Acting became a tool of self-discovery. I grew into it. Films have formed the most important part of my life. They have given me a strong identity. Cinema has given me a platform to do anything I want to do.
Has there ever been a moment of epiphany in your life?
I’ve experienced moments where I’ve felt I’ve been reborn but they’ve just made me realise that it has always been a part of my personality. As an actor you go through so many emotions on a daily basis, which change you. There are so many external factors that pose questions. Are your films doing well? What are people saying about you? It’s a huge challenge to be an actor. It’s not easy. Also, I believe your personality is formed between the ages of 1 to 10. Your cultural upbringing and experiences define the person you are. Maybe that reflects in everything I do in my life. Just the other day, my sister and I were discussing that people think we’re different simply because our childhood was different from that of other actresses. Those values never change.
Are you short tempered?
(Laughs) I like to appear calm and composed. But I’m not consistent with my temper. Sometimes, I have so much patience that my staff is left wondering and sometimes I just lose it. I try to understand why I’m upset. I’ve developed the ability to step away from what I’m feeling and try to make sense of the situation.
Do you miss a companion in your life?
It’s great to have a companion. It can add to your life but depends on what you want. It can be beautiful to be with someone who brings out the good qualities in you. For me, it’s important for that person to share my views on certain things and respect that. We can’t be diametrically opposite. There are things that mean a lot to me and which
I am passionate about. He should respect that. I’m sure he’d expect the same. Only then will it work.
You once said in an interview that a man cannot give you anything other than a child...
I believe no one can give me anything. They can make me feel a certain way. When your personality is formed, there’s no room for you to change or grow with that special someone. (Laughs) Apart from a child, a man can give me diamonds, I’m open to that.
Does getting ‘an ideal man’ become difficult with every passing year?
(Laughs) Well, if your demands are going to be like mine then it’s definitely going to be difficult. Yaar, it’s difficult to allow someone into your space. I’m comfortable in it. It consists of my work, my friends and my passions. I’ve to be sure who I’m allowing in it.
Does it scare you when relationships around you crumble?
Not at all. I’ve been through my parents’ divorce. My sister divorced once (Farha was first married to Vindoo Dara Singh) but she’s happily married again. I’m immune to all that.
Didn’t these experiences make you sceptical about relationships?
My mother reasons that if that was the case I wouldn’t have got into any relationship in the first place. I was happy getting into them. I experienced them fully. For some reason they didn’t work out because I wanted to get out of them. Not that the people were bad or things weren’t good, they were and are fantastic. I’m still in touch with them and we’re fond of each other. There’s something else that I wanted from life at that point of time. I’m happy I did. Although, it was at the cost of disturbing them and me. I guess, I ran away from being tied down. I wanted freedom to discover life. I’m too much of my own person. I’ve no regrets.
So you’re enjoying your singleton status?
(Laughs) A lot of my friends who are married are jealous of my singleton status. They tell me,“Just keep quiet and stay single.”
Do you get a lot of attention?
Of, course I do.
How do you take it?
I used to feel uncomfortable about it at first. I thought it was bad and wrong. Not anymore.
Really?
(Laughs) Haan yaar. I grew up with that conventional thinking. I oscillate between being progressive about a man-woman relationship to going completely conventional about it. My thoughts are as complex as the relationship itself.
So what do you do when you get the attention?
I’m okay with it. I’m not trying to push it away. I’ll be selective about choosing the people I’d want to connect with. I don’t feel the need to run away from them just because they’re married
or seeing someone else. I don’t wish to have great friendships with their families. We live in a world full of men and women. We’re always going to be pitted against each other. I’ve had some great associations with men. There is one more layer to yourself that you get to see.
Do you fear ageing?
No I don’t think about it that much. Maybe, 20 years from now I won’t be able to go for the trek that I’ve wanted to go for the past 15 years. For which I haven’t begun training. No one can avoid ageing. Funny thing is no one feels as old as they actually are.
What role does money play in your life?
Yaar, sometimes it’s very important. Especially, now because everything is so expensive. But I refuse to make it so important in my head. If I do that, I’ll grow old making it. I’m not in a job where I just snap a finger and I’ll make a million dollars. I’ve to slog, go on the set, put on make-up, my costume and act. I may also have to wake up at 4 am every day, cry, laugh and recite my lines.
What has the industry taught you?
(Smiles) I’m amazed by the things the industry has taught me. It’s teaching me things every day. I am still learning. This profession is contradictory to my personality. Since childhood I wasn’t comfortable with attention. It took me a while to get used to it. Slowly, I have fit myself into films and films into me.
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